I think a lot. Some would say too much. To compound this issue I can’t seem to get a thought out of my head until I write it down and work through the thing that way.
Sometimes this becomes a sort of manic, compulsive ritual. Often times it happens at night and when I read through whatever I jotted down the next day I have no idea what the hell I was thinking. I would say that for every thing I post here on this site I write four other articles or ramblings. This occurs on my computer and in my written journals. I make notes of stupid, needless things. For instance, I was just looking through one of my walk journals and I made a note of the trash on the ground at a particular rest stop (Marlboro box, dirty diaper). Apparently at that moment it had to be written or the thought of not writing it would haunt me. What the F, right?
One night in California I couldn’t sleep. I sat in my friend’s truck and busted out a few thousand words on any memories that came into my mind from the past eight months and then promptly dozed off once I hit the save button.
So why?
The best explanation I have as of right now is that I need the creative release. I can’t do anything (sleep, talk, work, etc.) until the mental tension is gone, and this usually is accomplished through writing. If I’m in the middle of a project, it comsumes me. This book I’m writing is taking over everything. I’m obsessed. I fade in and out of conversations, and people are always asking, “Are you ok?” I think that when it’s done I might be able to exhale. Distractions like music and tv shows help occassionally, but not always.
This same thing used to happen when I was really into hip hop production and beat making (I still am, but equipment is in Maine). I’d stay up all night sometimes. Even if what I made was shitty, it was still out there and I could rest easy once I felt like I’d done something.
For creatives: Can you relate to this at all? Or am I once again off the rocker?